2020 The Year In Music: July

Oh July!

After such an incredible birthday, how could I have imagined that July would be a fucking nightmare? Things had been going so well between the driver and I. I never saw the fights coming but here we were. They say what goes up must come down. The same was true for our situation-ship.

Being back on my bullshit meant I was back on the scene. I had re-installed the dating apps and was hardcore looking for friends. I know how that sounds. I went to a dating site to find friends. But being black and lesbian in Houston, there aren’t many social places for us to meet other lesbians for friendship during regular times. Times were especially hard with the pandemic still raging. Sure, I have a friend group of straight black girls. But, I was looking for someone who shared first hand knowledge of the differences in lesbian relationships and navigating lesbian spaces while being black. Make sense?

Anyway, while on the site I came across a few women who, at first said they wanted friendship. I quickly learned that friendship was the new, or maybe not so new, lesbian terminology for fuck buddy. Gee thanks decade and a half of marriage for keeping me so out of the loop on things lol. After a few weeks I came across a really sweet girl, we’ll call her Amanda. Amanda was a black no label lesbian who had recently moved to Houston with her five year old daughter. Amanda also was dealing with residual relationship drama and truly looking for a real live friend. No benefits.

We hit it off instantly over our shared trauma. Amanda and I had been giggling and talking our heads off for a few weeks when the fourth of July weekend came upon us. I had my god daughters for the weekend and the community swimming pool at my place was still open so, we made a plan to celebrate the holiday at my place. The girls would have a playdate, and we could hang on the patio barbecuing and chilling. Amanda got to my place around noon. We got the girls settled in and the barbecue going.

The driver was on her way to drop off some supplies for a piece she commissioned me to paint for her. She wasn’t much in a celebratory mood so it was only supposed to be a drop by. When the driver pulled up Amanda and I were on the patio having a beer, laughing and talking. As soon as the driver got out of the car I knew something was wrong. I went downstairs to talk to her and was met with an icy chill. The driver left after we exchanged a few words and Amanda and I went back to our hang out session.

The driver and I talked later on that night, which is when she shared her views on who I could and could not be friends with. She felt like she should be able to dictate what my friends looked like, and I felt like I was grown and could make my own decisions. We agreed to disagree and we “broke-up”.

I told you. Savage. Hot girl, doing hot shit. Back up on my bullshit.

July theme song: B.S – Jhene’ Aiko ft. H.E.R.

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