Lately, as I’ve been thinking about going back to a ‘real’ job, I’ve noticed some weird things happening to me. It’s like I’m slowly turning back into the person I used to be before I ditched the corporate grind.

Back then, every morning was a full-on production. I’d put on the whole act: the perfect hair, the makeup, the power suit, the uncomfortable shoes. My lunch was planned down to the last detail, and my phone was glued to my hand. The drive to work was always the same, like I was on autopilot. And as soon as I got off work, I’d start shedding this ‘corporate girl’ armor. First, the bra had to go, then the shoes, then I’d peel off layers like an onion. By the time I got home, I was practically naked, just wanting to scrub off the day.

After I quit, things changed drastically. Mornings became chill: a quick face wash, maybe some moisturizer, and I’d rock my natural hair. My meals went from caffeine jolts to leisurely breakfasts. I traded in my fancy phone for something simpler, just for calls and texts. My commute? A leisurely stroll to my home office. Work hours? Whenever the mood struck. My clothes were all about comfort, style, and feeling good.

Now, as I’m considering going back to the corporate world, I’m slowly slipping back into old habits. I’ve been digging through my closet, looking for those old power suits. My old phone, the one with all the bells and whistles, has been resurrected from the drawer. My morning routine is turning back into that caffeine-fueled frenzy. News channels are replacing my beloved sitcoms.

It’s kind of wild how much my old lifestyle still affects me. I’ve also noticed a significant shift in how I think. Before, my ‘corporate self’ was all about logic and efficiency. I was a machine, focused on deadlines, data, and achieving goals. I was analytical, strategic, and often impatient.

Now, I find myself more attuned to emotions – both my own and those of others. I’m more patient, more tolerant, and generally more relaxed. While this shift has brought many positive changes to my life, I’m also aware that it could present challenges if I return to a high-pressure corporate environment. Will I be able to effectively navigate those demands while maintaining my sense of peace and well-being? Can I leverage this newfound emotional intelligence to enhance my communication and build stronger, more meaningful relationships with my colleagues?

I recently wrote about unmasking, but I now realize that the piece was incomplete. The ways I discussed masking in that post barely touched upon the subtle and subconscious ways that defense mechanisms can lead us down a path of masking before we even realize it’s happening. For example, in my previous role, I often felt pressure to downplay my introverted nature in team meetings, so I would force myself to participate more than I felt comfortable with. This constant need to “perform” took a significant toll on my energy and left me feeling drained and inauthentic. This realization highlights the importance of self-reflection and identifying these subconscious patterns to break free from the cycle of masking.

What is Masking?

Masking is essentially putting on a persona – a carefully crafted mask – to fit in or avoid judgment. It’s about suppressing your true self to conform to societal expectations or to make others feel more comfortable.

Why Do We Do It?

Black women: Often face heightened scrutiny and pressure to be “respectable” and “unthreatening.”

Eldest daughters: Frequently shoulder the responsibility of keeping the peace and maintaining harmony within the family, often at the expense of their own needs and authentic expression.

Why is Masking a Problem?

Emotional Toll: Constant suppression of your true self can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Strained Relationships: Masking can create a disconnect between your inner world and your outer presentation, leading to confusion and frustration in your relationships.

Limited Growth: When you’re constantly trying to be someone you’re not, it’s difficult to truly know yourself and grow into your authentic self.

How to Know if You’re Masking:

You frequently feel exhausted after social interactions. You find yourself constantly monitoring your words and actions. You struggle to express your true feelings and opinions. You often feel like you’re not being truly seen or heard. You experience anxiety or self-doubt when you’re in social situations.

I said mask off, and I meant it.

Now that I’m aware of the way’s my routine loving brain has gone into autopilot returning me back to a version of myself that I don’t wish to revisit, here’s what I plan to do about it to make sure I set myself up for success when I return to work:

Shop! That’s right, I’m going shopping. The thought of squeezing back into my old work clothes makes me cringe. It feels like stepping back into a version of myself I’ve outgrown. I’m committed to my new lifestyle and slipping back into that old “corporate girl” uniform would be a major step backward. This time around, comfort is key. I’m bringing comfortable and cute into the office.

Dump the Coffee… mostly. I genuinely enjoy the taste of coffee sometimes. But I’ll be scaling back on the caffeine and prioritizing tea. I realized those two pre-work coffees were more a habit than a necessity. My old, burned-out self needed that jolt just to function. This new, rested version of me doesn’t rely on caffeine to start the day, and I intend to keep it that way.

Stick to my routine! I’ll continue my morning ritual: waking up early enough to savor my tea and enjoy a leisurely breakfast of turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, and avocado toast. I’ll also maintain my bedtime routine: phone off two hours before bed, time for reading and journaling. And no phone until after breakfast. I’ll also manage my notifications so only urgent matters can disturb my mornings.

Revamp my makeup ritual! My old “corporate girl” look involved a full face of makeup every day. This time, I’m embracing my natural beauty. Goodbye, heavy lashes, perfectly arched brows, and full coverage foundation. Hello, tinted moisturizer, natural brows, and a touch of mascara and eyeliner. This isn’t about never wearing makeup, but about prioritizing comfort and self-care. I’ll still have those days where I want to go all out, but those will be the exception, not the rule.

Protect my peace! While I acknowledge that in the field I’m returning to, logical, strategic decision-making, efficiency, setting and accomplishing goals, and sticking to deadlines are essential functions, I plan to be much more mindful about the projects I take on and the work I commit to.

How do I plan to do this? By underselling myself… strategically.

Instead of going into interviews guns blazing, trying to prove my worth with a laundry list of accomplishments, I’m going to:

• Focus on quality over quantity. I’ll highlight a few key projects where I demonstrated exceptional work and delve deep into my contributions and the positive impact I made.
• Be upfront about my priorities. I’ll clearly communicate my values and priorities, such as work-life balance, professional development, and a supportive work environment.
• Ask insightful questions. I’ll use the interview process to learn more about the company culture, the team dynamics, and the expectations for work-life balance.
• Negotiate for what matters to me. I won’t hesitate to negotiate for flexible work arrangements, generous vacation time, or other benefits that support my well-being.

By approaching my job search with intention and prioritizing my well-being from the outset, I hope to create a fulfilling and sustainable career that allows me to thrive both personally and professionally.

Let’s Stay Sane!

This journey of rediscovering myself after leaving the corporate world has been a profound one. It’s been a reminder that our identities are not fixed, and that we have the power to shape who we want to be.

As I prepare to re-enter the workforce, I’m determined to bring my authentic self to the table, while also navigating the realities of the corporate world. It’s a balancing act, but I believe it’s possible to find a way to thrive both personally and professionally.

I encourage you to reflect on your own experiences:

• Have you ever felt like you were “masking” in any aspect of your life?
• What are some of the ways you’ve tried to unmask?
• What are your biggest challenges when it comes to being authentic?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s continue this conversation and learn from each other.

Key Takeaways:

• Masking is a common experience: Many of us engage in some form of masking in our daily lives.
• Unmasking is a journey: It’s an ongoing process of self-discovery and requires consistent effort and self-compassion.
• Prioritizing well-being is essential: Creating a fulfilling and sustainable life requires prioritizing our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
• Authenticity is valuable: Embracing our true selves leads to greater happiness, stronger relationships, and a more meaningful life.

I believe that by embracing our authenticity and challenging societal pressures to conform, we can create a more compassionate and accepting world for ourselves and for others.