By Adreanna

Hey there, fellow eldest daughters!

Lately, I’ve been out and about, sharing my story and all that jazz. And you know what I’ve noticed? When I try to be all “professional” and “polished” – you know, the whole “mask on” routine – I basically turn into a babbling idiot. My words get all tangled up, my thoughts vanish faster than a diet Coke in the summer heat, and I generally sound like I’ve never strung a sentence together before.

But then, something magical happens. I remember that I’m not here to impress anyone with my eloquence (or lack thereof). I’m here to connect. To share my truth. To tell it like it is. And suddenly, the words start flowing. I’m dropping F-bombs like confetti, weaving in analogies that would make a sailor blush, and generally speaking my mind without a single filter. And let me tell you, the response? Electric. People are nodding, laughing, and feeling seen in a way they haven’t been in a long time.

What is Masking?

Masking is essentially putting on a persona – a carefully crafted mask – to fit in or avoid judgment. It’s about suppressing your true self to conform to societal expectations or to make others feel more comfortable.

Why Do We Do It?

• Black women: Often face heightened scrutiny and pressure to be “respectable” and “unthreatening.”
• Eldest daughters: Frequently shoulder the responsibility of keeping the peace and maintaining harmony within the family, often at the expense of their own needs and authentic expression.

Why is Masking a Problem?

• Emotional Toll: Constant suppression of your true self can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression.
• Strained Relationships: Masking can create a disconnect between your inner world and your outer presentation, leading to confusion and frustration in your relationships.
• Limited Growth: When you’re constantly trying to be someone you’re not, it’s difficult to truly know yourself and grow into your authentic self.

How to Know if You’re Masking:

• You frequently feel exhausted after social interactions.
• You find yourself constantly monitoring your words and actions.
• You struggle to express your true feelings and opinions.
• You often feel like you’re not being truly seen or heard.
• You experience anxiety or self-doubt when you’re in social situations.

Time to Ditch the Mask:

The good news? You don’t have to live this way anymore.

• Start small: Begin by identifying situations where you tend to mask the most.
• Practice self-compassion: Acknowledge the effort it takes to mask and be kind to yourself.
• Find your tribe: Surround yourself with people who accept and appreciate your authentic self.
• Embrace your quirks: Celebrate your unique personality and embrace what makes you, you.
• Speak your truth: Start small by expressing your opinions more authentically, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Done having fun with it so I’m done with it!

So, here’s the deal: in 2025, I’m ditching the mask. I’m embracing the messy, the real, the unapologetically ME. Because why the hell not? I’m not a contortionist. I shouldn’t have to twist and turn myself into some idealized version just to be heard. I have a message, and it’s for all you eldest daughters out there who are TIRED of the charade. Tired of code-switching, dimming your light, and silencing yourself.

If you’re ready to say it with your WHOLE chest – the messy bits, the swear words, and the unapologetic authenticity included – then let’s connect. Let’s build a tribe of women who refuse to be silenced. Let’s get real, ladies.

P.S. Don’t forget to follow me for more unfiltered truths and a whole lot of sisterhood!