The first time President Trump won the office back in 2017 I was a card carrying member of the corporate girl boss community and in the months leading up to the actual election, loose discussions about his campaign were discussed in the office almost weekly by bosses and coworkers alike. I mean honestly, how could we not discuss what was going on? His first campaign was just as ridiculous and comical as his current. We’d pass the time trolling, laughing at his speech blunders, and at how absurd his antics were. Trump was entertaining. So, ragging on him became a way for us to pass the time and blow off steam in an otherwise boring day.

Until a certain point, everything except who we were all intending to vote for had been topic of conversation. Then one day, the cat was let out of the bag when my boss shared with me that she intended to vote for Donald Trump.

My boss, a middle class woman who has a preference for black men , wears the fact that all of her friends are black women as a badge of honor, and who has biracial children, was voting for Donald Trump! My boss who was willingly and knowingly doing business with vendors who employed undocumented immigrants, some of whom she was good friends with was voting for Trump. My boss who has a daughter who benefits from the services of planned parenthood was voting for Trump! My boss who’s favorite employee was a gay man, was voting for Trump! My boss who employed me a lesbian black woman was voting for Trump!

This was news! After she’d shared her political preferences I did my best to keep my reactions neutral while I promptly made my exit from her office. Because…What?!?! I try not to be judgmental, to live and let live, but after such an admission I needed a minute.

When I went back to my office that day, I couldn’t help but wonder about her motives for voting for someone who was seemingly against her children. How could she be willing to vote for someone who held such problematic views about women? What does she really think of me and other marginalized people? Gay Rights? Marriage equality? Reproductive rights? Immigration policy? I began to seriously wonder if she was a closeted racist and worse. Despite my professionalism, a cavity was beginning to form between she and I. I thought I was safe and in good company with the woman that I shared so much with. This whole time I’d felt that the threat to me was outside. Now here she was telling me that she was siding with my enemy.

Once it was announced that Trump had won, the cavity continued to grow spurred by the release of the voter demographic information. There, in red, white, blue, and black was positive affirmation that it wasn’t just my boss who felt so strongly about President Trumps views. In the time it took to finish reading the results I went from, maybe it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be to, oh fuck! The whole country is against me and I’m not safe here. Shit!

Without even meaning to, I started to develop an avoidance, dismissal, and apathy towards that demographic. I developed anxiety whenever I found myself in certain rooms surrounded by certain people. The thoughts and questions that I had before the announcement only amplified. Did the whole country feel the same as Trump did about me and people like me?

Not long after the election, the escalations began. Police brutality against black and brown people dominated the news and social media. Racist, homophobic, and transphobic attacks increased. The COVID pandemic response was fumbled, and the country was seemingly in a free fall into madness. To top it all off, I didn’t feel safe at work, home, or on the commute between the two. I spent four years living in paranoia, fear, stress, and anxiety. The swan song to all of this was the insurrection on the capital at Trumps removal from office.

From 2017 through 2021, I was consumed by fear and distrust. The world felt hostile, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was a target. Simple acts, like driving my car, filled me with dread. My once-comfortable workplace became a place of tension and guardedness. It was a painful time, marked by anxiety, paranoia, and uncertainty.

As I reflect back on all the feelings and thoughts that I had during that time, I can’t help but feel like there may be a lot more Black girls in America who may be wrestling with thoughts, fears, and anxieties similar to the ones I had back then, given that once again the country has spoken to put Donald Trump back into office.

So this blog post is for you.

As a Coach, I’ve spent the better part of the day going back and forth between social media platforms, talking to friends, and trying to brainstorm ways to help Black women cope with the crushing blow dealt by a country that seems hell-bent on keeping us underfoot, capitalizing off our labor while pissing on us and telling us it’s raining, and undervaluing our contributions, and I’ve come up with nothing.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a list of insightful and perspective-shifting questions that I can ask you to help you cope with what’s happening right now. There are no techniques that I feel would actually help you feel less hopeless, less disrespected, less isolated, less fearful, less anything. There is nothing that I can offer you today to help you assuage the feelings brought on by the harsh, yet unsurprising reality that we are still second class citizens in a country that we helped to build. And for that, I truly apologize.

What I can do instead is urge and encourage you to take some time today and in the days that follow to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel the feelings. Process the grief in whatever way feels authentic to you. Mourn the loss of the promise of an inclusive world that recognizes and validates your contributions. Paint, color, draw, sing, rap, write, exercise, rest, eat, yell, cry, do what you need to do for you to get those harsh feelings out and then get to work.

Get to work protecting your womb by any means necessary.

Get to work implementing plans with your children and family to keep them safe during the inevitable challenges that this administration is infamous for.

Get to work building routines and curriculum’s to support your children through education gaps.

Get to work strengthening your support communities.

Get to work creating and strengthening your savings.

Get to work by doing the things that you can do to protect yourself, your family, your stability, and your mental health.

This is not a time to throw up our hands. This is a time to roll up our sleeves. This is a time to organise, to mobilise and to stay engaged for the sake of freedom and justice and the future that we all know we can build together.

• Vice President Kamala Harris