By Adreanna

Earlier this week I spoke about wish fulfillment as a part of my Tarot Tuesday series. Not to get too esoteric in this post, but there are a lot of cosmic energies at play this week, and because of those forces, people are deciding to take drastic steps to usher in change in all areas of their lives. I have heard stories of people leaving long-term careers, friendships, and romantic partnerships that are no longer serving them, restructuring their financial lives, and re-evaluating the importance of the beliefs that they have been holding on to. People have made the decision to change because they are seeking greater emotional fulfillment and meaningful connections, and I personally love to see it.

But. Since I made that post, I have had experiences that have shown me that getting what you asked for may not be the wish fulfillment that you think it’s going to be. That on the surface, things may look exactly as you wished they would, but beneath the shine and newness of your experience, can lie the same pitfalls and disappointments you were trying to manifest your way out of.

One example of this came from a conversation I had with my friend, (my favorite mirror), yesterday about her birthday. She’s been stressing to me that she is determined to have the best birthday this year because the past years have been flops. I’m not going to lie, hearing her tell me this was disheartening because, for the last three years, I have been planning her birthday based on things she told me she wants, experiences she told me that she wants to have, and buying gifts that she told me she wanted. It sucks to hear that after all of your efforts, time, and money you’ve failed three times in a row, to grant the wishes of your loved one, despite your best attempts.

When I asked her to describe to me in detail what she wanted for her birthday I began to notice a pattern. Every year for her birthday she has plans to go shopping for clothes, get together with friends for a boy’s night out, get a hotel room in downtown Houston with a nice view, go out to dinner to celebrate her day, and she wants to participate in self-care rituals. Hearing this, I’m asking myself “What the fuck?”, because this is the exact birthday I have given her for the past three years. After giving her a bombastic side eye, I asked her a big question about her birthday plans. One that should have occurred to me before now. It was this question that opened up both of our eyes to the unconscious patterning she was stuck in and by association, had me stuck in too.

The question was, “What do you want to feel during your birthday.” That’s when she hit me with a whopping, “Loved” as a response. I got deeper into her response by asking her more probing questions and I learned that the last birthday that she considered to be good is the last one that was given to her by her mother who passed away a few years ago. During that birthday, her mother took her shopping and paid for her a hotel room where she invited all her friends to join her. My friend and her friends went to a club and had a blast. The next day she returned home to a party with her family, and her mom had made her favorite dinner and cake.

That’s when it dawned on me that my friend was trying to recreate that birthday because it was the last time she was surrounded by friends and family but most importantly, her mother. Even though I had been giving her this birthday format for years, it paled in comparison because the most important part of what she wanted was absent. Which was a loving community and the presence of her mother. No wonder I haven’t been able to give her the birthday of her wishes. She was telling me what she wished for her birthday to look like, and I got that part down. But, what she wasn’t telling me was her actual wish, which was to be surrounded by love and community.

What I’ve learned from this conversation with my friend is that wish fulfillment is a tricky thing. Anything you want, you can have. But with that comes the responsibility of knowing what you want for real and asking for it.

In my friend’s case, she wasn’t conscious of what she really wanted for her birthday, which was to be surrounded by a loving community. This is because she didn’t consult her feelings when she thought about what she wanted. Yet, they always showed their heads after the party was over when she was left sitting with feelings of abandonment, isolation, and dissatisfaction. The only thing she was conscious of, was that following those steps in the past led her to a great birthday celebration. So. She found herself stuck in a pattern of repeating those same steps, convinced there was something wrong with her execution and herself, instead of realizing that the problem was that what made that birthday so special was not the material elements, but the love and community she felt that day were what she really wanted. She wasn’t clear with her wish because she was so focused on what it looked like that she didn’t consider what it felt like.

Once I sat with this realization, I began to wonder just how many other people are stuck in the same loop as my friend. How many people are unconsciously re-creating the same scenario confusing it with wish fulfillment only to be let down again? How many people are not learning the lesson and will inevitably find the same devil in a new face, career, or environment?

You may still be in the celebratory phase of receiving your wish and that’s great! Enjoy the fact that you’ve gotten off the wheel.

You deserve to turn up for your wins.

But before you get too far down the road on your new path you need to be clear about what you are looking for emotionally and be sure that this new opportunity is offering you that.

If the issue was that you were not being heard at work, does this new environment you are considering allow you to use your voice?

If you are leaving a toxic relationship, have you learned which of your own behaviors attracted this type of situation and have you done the work to start unlearning those behaviors? If not, then it’s probably not a good time to get into a new relationship with that really hot guy who seems to checks all of your boxes.

Let’s say you’re deciding not to make any changes this cycle, have you checked in with your emotional landscape to determine if you’re choosing to stay still out of complacency, fear, or comfort. Have you questioned if there is more that is available to you? Do you know, or are you avoiding finding out because learning will pull the mask off of your delusions?

My point is, it’s important not to get too caught up in wanting things to look a certain way without taking the time to understand yourself, your true desires, and intentions. Otherwise, you might end up feeling like you’re stuck in a cycle without making any real progress.

For all you change-makers out there embarking on a journey to pursue what brings you joy, love, security, stability, success, and more, I encourage you to set aside time to uncover your true desires. Get into the emotions underneath your wishes beyond the material and tangible. What does your soul truly long for? Once you discern this, you’ll be empowered to make choices that lead to genuine fulfillment of your deepest wishes.

And guess what? If you need help getting down to the truth of your wishes, I’m here to support you! Simply shoot me an email via the contact page, and I’ll get back to you within 24 hours to arrange your complimentary 15-minute coaching consultation.