My first conscious Mercury Retrograde Situationship…

I’m pretty new to the world of astrology. That being said, I, just like you, feel the effects of the planets doing different hot planet shit in the cosmos. But, I wasn’t conscious of the correlation between the two until I started paying some semi-serious attention to what is going on up there.

As above so below type energy.

Of course I would see the memes mocking the mass dread of Mercury going into retrograde but it wasn’t until maybe the past year or so did I actually stop and look into what this planet going into retrograde meant.

What is Mercury Retrograde?

Simply put, Mercury retrograde is an astrological phenomenon that occurs when the fast-moving planet Mercury—which takes 88 days to orbit the Sun, as opposed to Earth’s 365—seems to slow down. Planets move from East to West around the Sun. During Mercury retrograde, Mercury appears to move “backwards,” from West to East.

According to astrologers, this far-off celestial phenomenon has repercussions down on Earth. During this time of apparent backwards movement, the areas of life that Mercury tends to rule seamlessly—including travel, communication, and technology—are disrupted.

– Stardust, Lisa – 2021, June 11. The Best Way to Get Through Mercury Retrograde Is to Do Nothing at All
An astrologer gives us her tips for thriving during this transit.

Get the gist? Are we all caught up on the reference? Okay, good! Let’s get into this story then…

One of the pieces of advice I received about living through Mercury going retrograde is to not enter any contracts or relationships during that time. Don’t start anything new is the general rule of thumb. It’s a time to chill, pause and reflect, because you aren’t thinking clearly. Your comprehension as well as the comprehension of others is all jumbled up like braid hair you thought would survive the night under your bathroom sink without first tying it off and tightly binding it in a plastic bag for safe keeping.


My Gemini, “Peasant rules don’t apply to me”, attitude popped out during the June retrograde. I decided to test the theory. I did a bunch of shit during retrograde that I had been advised not to do. While most of the things I did turned out pretty well, I created and signed new contracts, maneuvered communication breakdowns at work, and bought a new car, dating was the one area I could not work my Gemini charms on.

I tried to get back into the dating scene and that shit blew up in my damn face!

I’ve been single for a while, and towards the end of May, I decided I was ready to get out and start dating again. I met a woman on … doom, doom, doom, Tinder, *insert ghost face*, and asked her out on a date. The first date was great and there was instant chemistry between us. Conversation flowed smoothly , drinks flowed appropriately, and at the end of the night , the right amount of affection was shown. I was fucking excited. I got a text the next day from her which said to me, she wasn’t playing the stupid ass waiting games.

Over the next few days we laughed, talked, joked, and hung out with each other. Shit was real magical, right? Wrong! I don’t know what happened but, our first date was Friday and by the following Friday I was over it! Don’t know why. Something crawled up my ass and I decided I felt a way about some miscommunication (see, lol) I had with her so I broke it off.

Boom! “Don’t contact me anymore.”, Text sent, and meant.

For like ten minutes.

As a Virgo, she was like, “Ssshhhiiiidddd, nuff said sis.”, and backed off.

The emo Cancer moon came crawling out of me in that moment. “Get back over here and love me damn it! “, and she did, lol for another week at least.

This same situation played out week after week four weeks in a row, I kid you not.

Monday – Friday we were good.

Saturday some crisis popped up.

Sunday we break up to make up.

It was crazy. Things we talked about and agreed on , on Monday, were completely misconstrued by Wednesday.

In retrospect the whole thing felt like the song Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

Have you heard it? If you haven’t, I’ve taken the liberty of gifting you with the musical conundrum that is…

My Mercury retrograde dating situation felt a lot like this song.

An eclectic hot mess that somehow worked and didn’t simultaneously.

It was exciting, sad, happy, powerful, silly, intense, passionate, shallow and every other conflicting set of adjectives you wanna throw in here.

By the end of the situation I both knew why we didn’t work and also was totally confused about why we didn’t work.

Hell I think the only reason I am able to write about and sort my thoughts on this experiment now is because we are finally out of the retrograde shadow.

Did I learn a lesson here? Sure!

Will I make this same fuck up again? Probably!

Why? Cause I ain’t shit and life’s too short.

Mercury is the planet of communication and rules over all forms of sharing information. I’m talking from the spoken and written word to technology. If you can use it as a form of communication, Mercury going retrograde will affect it. And me getting back into the dating scene was definitely affected by Mercury deciding to stripper stroll around the cosmos.

Next time the planet gives off the optical illusion that it is moving backwards, pay specific attention to how effective your communication is with others. Are you experiencing technical difficulties with office equipment? I’m talking ready to go full “Office Space” on the copier. Cellphone fritzing out? Would’ve bet your life you sent that email only to find it still in your draft folder? That’s how gangster Mercury is when it decides to slow down to the point it appears to be moving backward.

Well folks, there you have it. My pg-13 account of my experience trying to date during retrograde. Have you ever had a retrograde relationship? Was it successful or did it end in a similar way to mine?

Id love to talk to you about it. Leave a comment below, I’ll be waiting on you to crawl out of your shell and talk to me.

Until next time guys!

2 thoughts on “My first conscious Mercury Retrograde Situationship…

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